2 posts tagged “money”
List three things you'd buy with your last $20. One practical, one frivolous and one of your choosing.
My last $20 because I'm about to die or my last $20 because I lost my job kind of B-R-O-K-E?
I am assuming the latter. I would buy as much public transportation as I could afford (get to the public library, use all their resources to find a job/shelter) and still have money left over to buy an ice cream cone (comfort food, high in calories). There probably wouldn't be a third item because I would be so freaked out about being out of money!
"Ooh Baby, what I couldn't do. With plenty of money and you. In spite of the worry that money brings, just a little filthy lucre buys a lot of things...It's the root of all evil, of strife and upheaval, but I'm certain honey, that life would be sunny, with plenty of money and you." - Al Dubin and Harry Warren With Plenty of Money and You
I have to earn money. If I didn't, I would...um...I don't really seem to know anymore. I'm tired but I'm having trouble sleeping because I am trying to figure out what comes next in my life. There are only so many bits of it that I can control, but job is a whopper. I can remember very vividly when I was "so excited" about a number of things and now I just look around and feel like most things are "Sure, that'll do." It's not the end of the world. But it is kind of like getting to a restaurant you picked especially for its menu and finding that nothing there really excites your palate. It's disappointing. Disappointments are my Achilles Heel, Wrist, Toe you name it.
I've been here before. I try to mark this spot on my mental map, navigate away from it but sometimes when I get lost I circle back and there it is. A reminder of the progress I seem to be failing to make. Perhaps a message about some important milestone I need to summit. Familiar, for better or for worse.
This is month 7 of my transition to Boston. Everything I have done this weekend to make friends and assimilate has caused me pain, physical and emotional. It's February and T.S. Eliot was wrong. I'd take this month over April in a cage wrestling match any day of the week. It's more like February has to make up for the perceived slight. "Who you callin' short!" he likes to bellow. Then its death by a million rose thorn cuts. Or some new car jumps the platform at the President's Day Clear-Out Clearance Sale. Or it snows then melts then rains and freezes all in one 24 hours period.
But I'm not mad about the weather. For once. I'm pained because I am not sure what to do next to earn money. And I know there is a limit (no matter how remote) to my ability to continue to do my current job in my current location. And I feel trapped because I feel like I cannot make my next jump based on passion because I automatically think that something I am passionate about could not possibly earn me enough money. And I feel broken that I cannot seem to free my imagination to see my passion because of this damn ball and chain of a salary requirement. I live very simply. There are other changes I could make but that's a slippery slope. I am almost less concerned about what the job is than what I will make. Only that's not entirely true either...*sigh*
There are worse problems. One of them is right outside my door. Cold air and heavy rain tonight. I am lucky to have shelter. I am lucky to have the problem that I have. But it is what's keeping me awake tonight. I do not have a long term solution to my job situation. That and my legs. I never imagined I could be so sore. And the fact that our heating makes much more noise than I recall.*sigh again*
This bit is unrelated to this post at all, but I just want to laugh at myself publicly. I took 5 very, very small screws out of my watch today to get at the battery so I could take it with me when I buy the replacement. By the time I had freed the battery I had lost one screw. Somewhere in the course of my grading tonight --moving stacks of papers around, picking my coffee mug up, putting it down-- I have lost 3 more! Now I need a battery and screws. Perhaps it is just time for a new watch. Tempus fugit.
