16 posts from April 2008

139 and change. I came in under 138 once this weekend. I'm feeling I have a better sense of what my weight is.

It's raining in Boston today. I don't mind so much. As everything outside is hazy green instead of hazy gray. I am not depressed today. A nice change of pace. Thank you for endorphins and running. Thank you for all the good things that happened to me this weekend.

I keep having little hands of memory and realization tug at my guts. Not all unpleasant but wistful, sometimes inspiring, and always surprising.

A flash of the old hometown and how alive and potential I felt this time of the year.
A memory of JL the other day. Talk about the one that got away.
My resident class will be entering their third and final year in a just a few months. I have caught myself asking if I could have made it.  Now standing on the other side of the fence. In fact standing on a nice deck with a drink in my hand looking out over an expanse of well manicured lawn and then over that fence I sort of think to myself I could have made it but then I shake my head, know in my heart that I didn't want to and go back to the party. 
Damn it. I just wish Mr. Right would show up. 

Sweet and sour. The mix of life. 

What do you want to be famous for?
Submitted by bluemoon07.

Being true to who and what I am. Living up to my values.

142.4 lbs. I know.  It's just water weight. Had a conversation yesterday with a colleague who is trying to lose weight before his wedding. "I just look at the last number, " he said. "I don't even see the first two anymore." I like this strategy.

Woke up optimistic today. I really seem to be enjoying karate now, even considering adding a little Tae Kwon Do. Which would probably just confuse me but I would be getting a hell of a workout several days a week. I haven't given up the cricket idea yet and I haven't quite gotten back to running. Which adds up in my mind to, if I had the time I would probably do nothing but work out and learn languages.

Went to bed at 11. Woke up at 5:30, 5:50, 6:25. Should have gotten up the first time. I felt okay then. 6:30 left me kind of groggy. But much like the weight I tend to concentrate on one number. In this case the first and I would not mind my days of getting up with a 5 as the first number being over.

Date tonight. Someone from Match. I have no illusions of soul-mate-age but maybe he will be someone nice to add to the small world of people I know here.

Having more settling downy thoughts today. Want to look into what's affordable to buy. Can I get into a condo anyplace that would make my life livable and my home someplace I really wanted to be?

Wanted to start a school again today. Little kids. All language and physical activity. It's interesting to me that I want to work with younger children. I also thought of developing an entomology class at my current school. Maybe working up one day to a rotating set of electives cell biology, microbiology and entomology.

Thought of JL last night and was almost sick to my stomach. The one who got away. I would like to write something about him. Also made me think of going back to fencing (since I on this combat arts kick anyway). Then I thought of a bright sunny day and being indoors swaddled in a 3 piece fencing uniform versus being out on a cricket pitch. I think I can meet the same breed of man that JL is at cricket so I'm going to vote for the vitamin D producing hobby.

I wish I had more time to write in the morning. I use bullet points then :)

What is your definition of cheating?

Just to slice this even thinner, cheating at what? When it comes to relationships, I have never been cheated on. And I have never cheated on a significant other, though I have gotten suspicious glares for something as simple as coming to the door of my apartment building with a male neighbor I happened to meet in the stairwell.

I guess I think of cheating as intentionally committing an act that you deny or keep secret that will benefit you or make you feel good and hurt the person you are keeping it a secret from. 

Cheating almost always has a bad connotation. However, I am very fond of the benign, perhaps colloquial usage "Can you cheat it a little to one side?" "Can we cheat that corner" Used when you are moving furniture or trying to get something into a small space. 

Cricket anyone?

It came to me in a flash. I am not so much a kickballer, a footballer or a soft baller but I think I would adore learning to play Cricket. So, I'm looking for some casual cricket in Boston, open to women, suitable and patient with an eager beginner who has some athletic ability but only the barest knowledge of this particular sport.

Cheers!

Earth Day! Do (many) something(s) green!

144.8 this AM
Tough getting up. Went down heard last night, in a self abusive pout. Trying not to beat myself up and just be --happy, sad, everything in between.
Better to start the week on a Tuesday.
CW TKD
Where the brown folk are
Running clubs

Does your stomach hurt the night before you have to go back to work?

I realize it's not Sunday but I didn't have to work today so it feels like Sunday night. I was surprised to notice my Sunday night stomachaches back with force. I know I am not going to keep my current job forever but most days I feel pretty content.

I thought it might just be standard end-of-weekend blues but my roommate told me she doesn't feel that way.

So anyone else? Do you rue the start of the work week? Is this just a normal part of the work-a-day life? Or should I be trying to dial up that career change sooner rather than later?

Today was the 112th running of the Boston Marathon.  I have been the fortunate beneficiary of a day off on Patriot's Day for much of my life but this is the first time I have ever lived anywhere near the race route. I am a fan of   endurance cycling. I watch as much of the Tour de France as my July schedule and cable subscription will allow and I've even started following other cycling races. But I've never really followed running (I prefer not to feel badly about how slowly I run) and there's still enough stupid, adolescent contrariness in me that I often eschew events that draw large crowds just for the (empty) superior feeling I get from feigning indifference. So I was a little surprised this morning when a some subconscious timer went off, awakening my curiosity and prompting me to jump on-line and track the runners. I soon rerouted my morning plans, got dressed and walked ten minutes down my street to Beacon where the Elite women were due to be passing momentarily, conscious with every foot fall that in the time it took me to walk from my house to the course the runners would have covered almost two miles.

I went and stood along Beacon Street and watched the arrival of the Elite Women, the arrival of the Elite Men and the passage of many others including Lance Armstrong.  I cried as the first runners in each category came by. There is something very moving to me about hundreds of thousands of people coming out to clap and cheer for someone they don't know doing one of the most essentially human activities I can think of. I think running is beautiful and because it's so aerobic it sort of is 'all heart' and it's such a pointless activity that you don't really do it unless it is meaningful to you. I loved seeing people run by, smiling proudly about a personal best; hear the crowd encourage runners who had written their names on their body by shouting at them like old familiars "Way to go Tom!" "Only a few more miles John." "Home stretch Mike. You can do it!" Strangers become neighbors. Little gestures, like the man who runs pushing his son in a wheelchair the entire 26.2 miles, become legends as the crowd talks up the lore "He does it every year you know." "And look at his time. He's fast enough to win but he loves to run with his son."

If I may say so, my life has been much easier than some, but never quite so smooth as those I live among.  For this reason and the other stones life throws in all our paths I have my share of conflict, inner turmoil, shame, low self-esteem and other insecurities to battle. And in my mind there is no greater conquest over those demons than the unimagined physical feat. I do not know what the 25,000 runners on the course overcame today to be at this race and run --their best or their worst, to finish or to fall short, to have another feather in their cap or to prove this one thing to themselves-- but I do know that it takes a long time and a lot of commitment to run a marathon. I do know that sometimes you have to lace up your shoes and get out there even when you don't feel like it because there is something better at the end of the journey. And when I see these athletes --all shapes, sizes, genders and ages-- doing what I feel like I have to do every day I don't feel so alone anymore. I feel like maybe some of those people are cheering for me. So that I will keep going and know it's really not much farther. 

Congratulations to everyone who ran today. Thank you for the moving moments. It is inspiring that there are human beings who can run a mile faster than I can get dressed, forget 26 of them in a row!  Thanks for lacing up your shoes and going for it this morning. I'll see you in the home stretch. 

Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nope. Never. Maybe I'm a party-pooper but I hate being cold and I don't swim very well. It's hard to find a warm body of water in my corner of the world. And I've never thought of chattering teeth, blue fingers or drowning as sexy.

By the way, just in case anyone is looking, I thought I would remind the world that I am a nice, smart, single woman looking for a single man to be in my life. I like to talk about music and science and do crossword puzzles. I like to blog. I like to meet new people. My idea of a perfect evening is being surrounded by good friends and family, cooking, eating and laughing together, maybe playing some music and singing or dancing. Then ending the night cozied up by the fireplace or under a blanket watching the stars with you. I like tall men, who take care of themselves, pay attention to details, aren't so into sports, are curious about the world and like conversation.  I think it's great when we can be together in contented silence.

Just putting it out there.